im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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