I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
