first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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