I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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