No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
