to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
