then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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