so explain again why im purple
no
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
