Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
