and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
