You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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