just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
