I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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