I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
