Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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