dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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