I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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