Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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