He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
