I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
