its not stalking. its research.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
