what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
