Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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