with your own penis?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
