If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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