someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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