ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
