I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
