I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
