Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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