i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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