if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
