I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so let's talk penis.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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