But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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