ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize