Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
