fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize