you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
