Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
