Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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