I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
