you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
