So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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