Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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