True but thats because hes a fetus.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Less talking, more tequila
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
