You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
