Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
