Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
