Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
