I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
