GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize