ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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