Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
