hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
