He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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