Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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