Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
