She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
