For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
