The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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