So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
