I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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