You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
