I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
True strength comes from lack of pants
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
