bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
