i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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