Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
