the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
