So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
