I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
