Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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