i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
