Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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