I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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