It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
my liver is dry heaving
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
