worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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